May 26, 2009
Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair
CUMBERLAND, MD — On Saturday, an unfortunate combination of gale force wind, torrential rain, powerful lightning, and crushing downfalls of hail rocked DelFest, the popular musical event hosted by the Del McCoury Band.
Importantly, the relentless onslaught of life-threatening weather was not sufficient to disturb the hair of anyone in the McCoury family.
International hair experts are at a loss to explain how a human hairstyle might possibly resist such extreme environmental challenges, and several music historians have confessed to downright awe.
“I expect this episode to easily elevate Del McCoury’s status from legendary to supernatural,” said Dr. R. Hicks, a specialist in bluegrass mythology.
The Del McCoury Band’s hair, long famous for its eternal ultimate perfection and glorious splendor, likely derives from a dominant genetic element, as it is shared by Del’s sons Ronnie and Robbie, both of whom play in the band.
Interestingly, the group’s fiddler Jason Carter, who is not descended from a McCoury, has somehow managed to achieve a similar style, perhaps by gene therapy and a rigorous application of specially formulated chemical products.
“Let’s just say it’s a trade secret,” said Carter.
But even the McCourys’ most ardent admirers were shocked by the epic triumph of hair versus nature.
“At the height of the storm, when hail was shattering car windows and the winds were literally ripping the sides off industrial buildings, I looked off into the distance and I saw the whole McCoury Band with my own eyes. Their hair was f—king perfect,” said Kimber Ludiker, fiddler in the band the Broken Blossoms.
Indeed, multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed the details of this episode, which was also caught by a documentary film crew.
“We have captured on film the greatest moment in the history of bluegrass hair, and we didn’t even plan to,” said one of the cameramen.