May 26, 2009
Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair
The epic victory of hair over nature stunned even the most avid fans of the Del McCoury Band.
CUMBERLAND, MD — On Saturday, an unfortunate combination of gale force wind, torrential rain, powerful lightning, and crushing downfalls of hail rocked DelFest, the popular musical event hosted by the Del McCoury Band.
Importantly, the relentless onslaught of life-threatening weather was not sufficient to disturb the hair of anyone in the McCoury family.
International hair experts are at a loss to explain how a human hairstyle might possibly resist such extreme environmental challenges, and several music historians have confessed to downright awe.
“I expect this episode to easily elevate Del McCoury’s status from legendary to supernatural,” said Dr. R. Hicks, a specialist in bluegrass mythology.
The Del McCoury Band’s hair, long famous for its eternal ultimate perfection and glorious splendor, likely derives from a dominant genetic element, as it is shared by Del’s sons Ronnie and Robbie, both of whom play in the band.
Interestingly, the group’s fiddler Jason Carter, who is not descended from a McCoury, has somehow managed to achieve a similar style, perhaps by gene therapy and a rigorous application of specially formulated chemical products.
“Let’s just say it’s a trade secret,” said Carter.
But even the McCourys’ most ardent admirers were shocked by the epic triumph of hair versus nature.
“At the height of the storm, when hail was shattering car windows and the winds were literally ripping the sides off industrial buildings, I looked off into the distance and I saw the whole McCoury Band with my own eyes. Their hair was f—king perfect,” said Kimber Ludiker, fiddler in the band the Broken Blossoms.
Indeed, multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed the details of this episode, which was also caught by a documentary film crew.
“We have captured on film the greatest moment in the history of bluegrass hair, and we didn’t even plan to,” said one of the cameramen.
[…] Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair […]
To set the record straight, it’s M-c-C-(no ‘R’) o-u-r-y. Amazing how many people are dislexic. http://www.delmccouryband.com/
“McCroury”! :).
To John Doe… NO IT’S MCCOURY!!!
Sounds like some writer the Onion rejected for inability to spell. It’s McCroury, jackhole!
[…] how rain, hail, and gale-force winds could not dislodge of “bluegrass hair” of the host Del McCoury band. As reported by BI online: On Saturday, an unfortunate combination of gale force wind, torrential […]
Clyde I like your style. Gopher grease, egg whites and wd-40 combine in my sigrit recipe for Big Ha’r. These days I add grits to my formula for extra volumizing but in my younger days I was often mistaken for Loretta Lynn. I was trying for Dolly Parton but little did I know she owed her montrous mounds (of hair you perv!) to the marvels of wig wizardry. Speaking of holy hair raisers, I once saw a TV evangelist sporting the snappiest combover ever. I swear it was held up a la Moses parting the waters; by virtue of divine intervention. It was divine indeed. A veritable miracle of hair engineering resembling nothing short of a cresting wave of keratinous perfection neatly hovering over his barely visible receding follicular shoreline.
Oh, Jill, where’s your sense of humor? Inspite of what his hair may imply, he is not God, just a picker and singer.
Great story. I’ve been studying Bluegrass Hair for years and nobody does it better than Del. I’ve developed my own version, which I call “Full Gospel Hair”. It requires a trailer load of hair products and a neck collar, but it’s worth the effort. I’ve been working on a new style called “TV Evangalista” which i hope to debut at the Stevenson, Washington Festival this summer. Just hope I can keep the women at bay.
Stupid story althought Del is an amazing