Genetic Testing Identifies Three Members of The Deadly Gentlemen as The Jonas Brothers

According to recent genetic test results, Sam Grisman, Josh Pinkham and Mike Barnett are actually the Jonas Brothers.

LOS ANGELES — Earlier today, the Los Angeles Institute for Genomic Research released the results of an extensive DNA analysis that conclusively links three young acoustic musicians to the wildly popular blockbuster teen heartthrobs, the Jonas Brothers.

“These data confirm our hypothesis and are consistent with extensive photographic and behavioral evidence,” said Dr. Ethan Ford, a researcher on the team.

“Sam Grisman, Mike Barnett and Josh Pinkham are actually the Jonas Brothers.”

Rumors of the connection began with the 2008 release of the Deadly Gentlemen’s debut CD, entitled The Bastard Masterpiece. That album’s accompanying artwork featured the group’s leader, Greg Liszt, cavorting with the other three members of the band in an outdoor setting.

“I took one look at that, and I was like, ‘Wow, Greg totally looks like he’s hanging out with the Jonas Brothers,’” said Aaron Keim of the Boulder Acoustic Society.

Teen heartthrobs the Jonas Brothers bear striking similarity to three members of the Deadly Gentlemen, but some have questioned the validity of the recent genetic analysis linking the two groups.

The Deadly Gentlemen, a groove-based acoustic band featuring rap and spoken word vocals in lieu of singing, has been widely assumed to be a hoax. The recent scientific results cast further doubt on the group’s status.

LISTEN: Hobo Rockstar by The Deadly Gentlemen

In numerous statements made throughout the year, Liszt has maintained that the group represents a legitimate artistic effort and is not a prank. He is reportedly working on a rebuttal letter refuting the Institute’s findings based on alleged flaws in methodology and missing controls.

“I know it looks like I’m being all hypercritical of the data just because the authors’ conclusions are annoying to me,” said Liszt. “But from a purely scientific perspective these findings really are not that solid.”

The recent study analyzed DNA sequences from hair, blood and skin samples surreptitiously collected from both the Deadly Gentlemen and the Jonas Brothers. For each of three members of the Deadly Gentlemen, sequences from over 35 highly variable single nucleotide polymorphisms showed unanimous identity with exactly one distinct Jonas brother, and all results were repeated in triplicate using independently-derived samples.

“OK, I’ll admit that the rest of the band looks and dresses exactly like the Jonas Brothers, but to claim that the two groups are genetically identical is not justified by these findings,” said Liszt.