August 18, 2008
Cadillac Sky to Release Vicious Birds of Prey Instead of Soloing
TEXAS — Cadillac Sky, whose remarkable bluegrass capabilities and head-banger mentality have earned them a fast-growing following in the country world, has recently announced its next radical innovation in rock-grass.
From now on, instead of playing a solo, each member of the band will unleash a savage raptor from an onstage cage, and the blood-thirsty bird will fly into the audience brutally mauling the faces of as many fans as possible until the solo break is over.
Then, the band’s signature sweet, soulful singing will resume in country harmony.
“We have gone as far as we can go with our adrenalized, face-melting approach to soloing,” said banjo player Matt Menefree, former Winfield Banjo Champ. “There’s only so much damage you can do with pure music, even with triplets, no matter what your chops are.”
“Yeah, several people would be going home with their faces pretty much unmangled almost every night,” said band leader Bryan Simpson, “and we were already doing all we could from a musical standpoint.”
Daniel Rice, the band’s live sound engineer, has been professionally reallocated to the band’s new bird care division, and is currently raising two falcons, a buzzard, three true hawks, and an American bald eagle in anticipation of the band’s next appearance on the Grand Ol’ Opry.