May 28, 2009

Strategic Marriage Will Consolidate Power Within Single Banjo Sovereignty

Fleck, Washburn promise male heir, Holy Banjo Emperor

Abigail Washburn and Bela Fleck, accompanied by two courtesans, prepare for the historic wedding.

Abigail Washburn and Bela Fleck, accompanied here by two courtiers, prepare for the historic wedding.

NASHVILLE — After lengthy negotiations between their two camps, banjoists Bela Fleck and Abigail Washburn have agreed to marry one another, advancing their long campaign to unify the progressive and old-time banjo empires under a single sovereign ruler.

The carefully calculated union aims to create one insurmountable banjo juggernaut whose historic domain will span old-time, bluegrass, jazz, fusion, European classical, African and Chinese styles.

While strategic considerations were clearly primary, sources close to Fleck and Ms. Washburn also indicate that the future bride and groom “barely detest each other at all,” which may have facilitated the negotiations somewhat.
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Written by editor · Filed Under Featured Stories

Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair

Even the most avid fans of the Del McCoury Band could not believe the epic triumph of hair versus nature.

The epic victory of hair over nature stunned even the most avid fans of the Del McCoury Band.

CUMBERLAND, MD — On Saturday, an unfortunate combination of gale force wind, torrential rain, powerful lightning, and crushing downfalls of hail rocked DelFest, the popular musical event hosted by the Del McCoury Band.

Importantly, the relentless onslaught of life-threatening weather was not sufficient to disturb the hair of anyone in the McCoury family.

International hair experts are at a loss to explain how a human hairstyle might possibly resist such extreme environmental challenges, and several music historians have confessed to downright awe.

“I expect this episode to easily elevate Del McCoury’s status from legendary to supernatural,” said Dr. R. Hicks, a specialist in bluegrass mythology. Read more

Written by editor · Filed Under Featured Stories

From The Archives:

Botched Exorcism Leaves Soul of Bruce Molsky in 13-Year-Old Girl

“Um, I’m not dead yet, people,” says Molsky

The child, who spontaneously mastered the devil’s instrument, sings a chilling prophecy of doom entitled “The Blackest Crow”. In it, she tells of a raging and burning sea, a day that turns to night, and a cursed bird, warning that “the time draws near.”

CORVALLIS, OR — A daring attempt to expel the immortal soul of old-time fiddler Bruce Molsky from a young girl’s earthly body has ended in disaster, leaving the girl, Tatiana Hargreaves, 13, possessed by Molsky forevermore.

According to her family, Miss Hargreaves first began to show the extraordinary signs of diabolical possession several years ago, when with no practice whatsoever she acquired an almost superhuman ability to play the old-time fiddle, the long-established instrument of the devil.

Around the same time, she spontaneously and inexplicably became fluent in an entire repertoire of rare, often apocalyptic songs from Appalachia, which she sang in an antique dialect.
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Cadillac Sky to Release Vicious Birds of Prey Instead of Soloing

One of the band's hawks arcs in a predatory swoop at the ROMP Bluegrass Festival in Owensboro, KY.

A Cadillac Sky hawk arcs in a predatory swoop at the ROMP Bluegrass Festival in Owensboro, KY.

TEXAS — Cadillac Sky, whose remarkable bluegrass capabilities and head-banger mentality have earned them a fast-growing following in the country world, has recently announced its next radical innovation in rock-grass.

From now on, instead of playing a solo, each member of the band will unleash a savage raptor from an onstage cage, and the blood-thirsty bird will fly into the audience brutally mauling the faces of as many fans as possible until the solo break is over.
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Comprehensive Americana “Daterbase” Archives Musicians’ Romantic Relationships in Searchable Format

Revolutionary social resource to go online soon

The Daterbase, the first resource of its kind, contains a built-in visual interface that for the presentation of large quantities of relationship data.

The Daterbase, the first resource of its kind, contains a graphical interface especially useful for the visualization of individual nodes within large relationship networks.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — The enterprising young musicians behind the Internet startup called Daterbasix now report that their company is close to launching its first online database, an ambitious venture to systematically catalog every romantic relationship from the world of bluegrass and acoustic music between 1981 and the present day.

This flagship project, called the Americana Daterbase, aims to provide its information free to the public in a highly useful, well-organized format.

Users will be able to query the database with an individual name, email address, phone number, or band name. For each search, the web server will return all known relationship data for the search subject, including names of partners, date and duration of each liason, and a very brief classification of each encounter.

“And from there you can link to the full history of any of the partners listed on the page,” said Laura Cortese, a staff member and co-founder of Daterbasix, Inc.
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Strategic Marriage Will Consolidate Power Within Single Banjo Sovereignty

Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair

From The Archives:

Botched Exorcism Leaves Soul of Bruce Molsky in 13-Year-Old Girl

Cadillac Sky to Release Vicious Birds of Prey Instead of Soloing

Comprehensive Americana “Daterbase” Archives Musicians’ Romantic Relationships in Searchable Format

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