New O’Connor Violin Method for Youngsters Includes Controversial Pledge of Allegiance to O’Connor
Although Mark O’Connor’s American violin method brilliantly integrates folk and jazz to obviate the suffering and oppression of existing all-classical approaches, some parents are suspicious.
NEW YORK — Mark O’Connor, the world-renowned fiddler, composer, and promoter of American musical traditions, has developed a new fiddle methodology that music educators are hailing as the first legitimate American alternative to the popular Suzuki method of violin instruction.
O’Connor’s approach, which is geared toward young players, offers an alluring blend of folk, jazz, country, classical, and even rock and roll instruction without the mandatory ten-year period of suffering and oppression associated with existing all-classical violin methods.
But in some parts of the country, parents have expressed concern about one element of O’Connor’s teaching regimen. Before pupils even pick up a violin, they must memorize a brief Pledge of Allegiance, written by O’Connor, and this pledge is to be recited every morning before fiddle practicing begins. Read the story »
Natural Disaster Obliterates DelFest, Fails to Disrupt McCoury Hair
The epic victory of hair over nature stunned even the most avid fans of the Del McCoury Band.
CUMBERLAND, MD — On Saturday, an unfortunate combination of gale force wind, torrential rain, powerful lightning, and crushing downfalls of hail rocked DelFest, the popular musical event hosted by the Del McCoury Band.
Importantly, the relentless onslaught of life-threatening weather was not sufficient to disturb the hair of anyone in the McCoury family.
International hair experts are at a loss to explain how a human hairstyle might possibly resist such extreme environmental challenges, and several music historians have confessed to downright awe.
“I expect this episode to easily elevate Del McCoury’s status from legendary to supernatural,” said Dr. R. Hicks, a specialist in bluegrass mythology. Read the story »
Musical Masturbation Renders Teen Banjo Player Temporarily Blind
In his convalescence, Gabe Hirshfeld reviews a live Bela Fleck solo, transcribed from tablature to braille.
WEST NEWTON, MA — Gabe Hirshfeld, a highly promising teenage banjo prodigy from Massachusetts, has returned home to be with his family as he recovers from a severe, acute loss of vision suffered during a recent late night jam.
The jam, which took place in West Newton, MA, at local band Crooked Still’s afterparty, started out very well but soon grew beyond a controllable size, beginning a steady descent into musical decadence and depravity.
Hirshfeld, who is known for his sweet banjo tone, flawless technique, and a very refined sense of taste, also has a well-deserved reputation as a restrained and considerate human being.
But even he was powerless to resist the party’s musical temptations, and as the jam slowly but inevitably devolved into an amoral orgy of self-indulgence the hesitant boy gradually succumbed.
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Botched Exorcism Leaves Soul of Bruce Molsky in 13-Year-Old Girl
“Um, I’m not dead yet, people,” says Molsky
CORVALLIS, OR — A daring attempt to expel the immortal soul of old-time fiddler Bruce Molsky from a young girl’s earthly body has ended in disaster, leaving the girl, Tatiana Hargreaves, 13, possessed by Molsky forevermore.
According to her family, Miss Hargreaves first began to show the extraordinary signs of diabolical possession several years ago, when with no practice whatsoever she acquired an almost superhuman ability to play the old-time fiddle, the long-established instrument of the devil.
Around the same time, she spontaneously and inexplicably became fluent in an entire repertoire of rare, often apocalyptic songs from Appalachia, which she sang in an antique dialect.
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Cadillac Sky to Release Vicious Birds of Prey Instead of Soloing
A Cadillac Sky hawk arcs in a predatory swoop at the ROMP Bluegrass Festival in Owensboro, KY.
TEXAS — Cadillac Sky, whose remarkable bluegrass capabilities and head-banger mentality have earned them a fast-growing following in the country world, has recently announced its next radical innovation in rock-grass.
From now on, instead of playing a solo, each member of the band will unleash a savage raptor from an onstage cage, and the blood-thirsty bird will fly into the audience brutally mauling the faces of as many fans as possible until the solo break is over.
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Comprehensive Americana “Daterbase” Archives Musicians’ Romantic Relationships in Searchable Format
Revolutionary social resource to go online soon
The Daterbase, the first resource of its kind, contains a graphical interface especially useful for the visualization of individual nodes within large relationship networks.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — The enterprising young musicians behind the Internet startup called Daterbasix now report that their company is close to launching its first online database, an ambitious venture to systematically catalog every romantic relationship from the world of bluegrass and acoustic music between 1981 and the present day.
This flagship project, called the Americana Daterbase, aims to provide its information free to the public in a highly useful, well-organized format.
Users will be able to query the database with an individual name, email address, phone number, or band name. For each search, the web server will return all known relationship data for the search subject, including names of partners, date and duration of each liason, and a very brief classification of each encounter.
“And from there you can link to the full history of any of the partners listed on the page,” said Laura Cortese, a staff member and co-founder of Daterbasix, Inc.
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